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Creative Writing

Unraveling Myself

Unraveling Myself 

I was an active, jolly, and fearless girl, I don't even know when it took a turn.
Bits of joyful and memorable memories are remembered, but everything else is a blur.
Wait, is it really a blur or I just learned how to forget?

In my world of silence, sometimes it is very loud and irritating.
My mouth doesn't speak, yet my mind is chaotic.
It's not a choice, rather it feels like my lips are stitched together.
I can express my thoughts through words, but it will take forever to finish.

I am also a people pleaser, the person who prioritizes time and effort for others.
I grew up not caring about anything at all, 
but here I am, observing and changing myself to fit in.
Do I fear being left behind or am I used to being taken advantage of and being blind?

I still can't describe myself as how others describe themselves in a word.
It's all like a maze, finding my path towards the end to win.
I used to be cold, calm, and unbothered,
but now every second I can cry about little things, wishing I can't be heard.

As I keep sheltering myself in a little shell to hide, I slowly start to chip away some parts.
I let myself to be seen by others, but I just became vulnerable which I am bothered.
My genuine self is something I am protecting, deep inside me I feel like it needs healing.
I am still trying to learn how to trust, because my younger me wasn't able to adjust.

"YOLO", you only live once, is the saying I am always holding onto.
Should I really make life worth it or just expect a luck to be drawn to?
I want to feel free, but I am always so lost in the middle of the sea.
I still keep on swimming to look for the shore, because I know at the end there is something more.

I am struggling, but little by little I know I am making a progress.
As the sun rises, I know I should be thankful and feel bless.
Whatever happens, happens, but I will make my one and only life to be worthy.
And little by little, I will take my time to reach the victory.

- Jasmine Carel Reyes